Processing

Two days ago, Maria Sue Chapman (age 5), daughter of Christian musical artist Steven Curtis Chapman, was involved in a tragic accident in her family driveway and subsequently is celebrating her homegoing with Jesus right now. I heard the news yesterday morning and have since been processing some pretty major things. I wanted to jot them down while they were still fresh, and somehow writing them here- on a public setting- makes them more real to me. So here goes.

1. Notice in my opening sentence I used both the words "tragic" and "celebrate". "Accidents" that result in death are an interesting paradox for believers. On one hand, we say this death was tragic- the manner in which it happened, the fact that a family mourns their 5 year old girl, etc. But on the other hand, her death means that she now is with her Savior Jesus for eternity, in a place where there are no tears, no shame, no hurt- pure Joy alone. As a believer, I can claim that an event such as this is both tragic and wonderful, sad and beautiful, heartbreaking and freeing. Interesting.

2. On Monday night during our small group time, we had a discussion about really committing to the Lord all of our possessions here on earth. One of the things the Lord really impressed upon all of our hearts was the need for all of us to commit our children to Him as well. After all, they truly are His, not ours. I thought that I had committed our children to Him, trusting Him with their lives. Then I heard this story... and I found myself wondering if I truly have trusted Him with them. What if He called them home sooner than I thought appropriate? Would I trust Him with that? Would I still love Him through that? My head says absolutely. He is my God and He is sovereign and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that His will is perfect. But my heart... it is something I really need to pray through and make certain that I am daily relinquishing my control over to Him.

3. I have always had a heart for adoption. Over the last year and a half, Mark and I have been praying about whether or not adoption is for our family. Maria Sue Chapman was the youngest of the three Chapman girls that they adopted from China. As much as I think her little life was cut too short, I can't help but think how full that little girl's life was because the Chapmans welcomed her into their hearts and home. She was loved dearly and exposed to Jesus on a daily basis in a home that honored Him. She more than likely never would have experienced an introduction to Jesus had she remained in an orphanage in China. She never would have known the love of a family. She was blessed because of their willingness to follow God's command to care for the widows and orphans. Mark and I have so much love to give and it is hard for me to think about having another biological child when there are MILLIONS in this world that are desperate for what we can provide. This story has made that reality even more real in both our hearts. We are processing what that means for our family.

4. In closing, I have included a video from the Chapmans' website featuring a precious moment between Maria Sue and her daddy. Something as simple as washing dishes can be such a delight to a child. How often do I run through a day, doing all the mundane stuff, without a thought to how I can engage and enjoy my kiddos? My time with them is precious, and I do not know which moment could possibly be the last. Instead of hurrying through the day, I am now going to challenge myself to thoroughly ENJOY every part of being with my kiddos. Markus' new thing is dancing on the sidewalk whenever we walk out to the car. Typically, I am rushing him and am sometimes even annoyed that he would rather dance on the sidewalk than get in the car and get to whatever the next thing is on my list for the day. I now know it is my job to not only allow him a few moments to dance to his heart's content, but to dance and clap and laugh right along with him- and bask in every moment of that precious time. I need to have the video camera and digital camera ready at all times and be willing to CAPTURE life as it is happening. I need to let go of my schedule (when appropriate) and my to-do list and PLAY. Because as I quoted before from my dear friends' Ross and Taya's blog, the days are long but the years are short. There may be a day when I am longing for those long days again, and I don't ever want to regret the manner in which I lived those long days with my kiddos.